Tuesday, April 12, 2011

can you just piss off?!

so you started hanging with her, you chose her over me multiple times and now that everything's over, she's still making my life hell! I haven't done shit to her, I've ignored her and stopped asking her anything that's to do with you because she has no right to talk about you. I don't deserve the shit she's giving me. It's like she's one step ahead of me. Looking back at me and laughing. I don't give a fuck about her so why can't she leave me the hell alone! Fuck sakes, i'm so sick of immature little girls getting in the way of my life and if i look back now, it's all your fault. i'm not young enough or adventurous enough for you, i'm not pretty enough or have money to spend and spend on you like she did. she told her friends how you said she was more fun than me. yeah that fucking hurt, so next time, grow a fucking pair and tell me straight up because i'm so sick of knowing the truth but hearing all the lies. It's not my fault all i wanted to do was lie down with you and just let you hold me and kiss me but na, wasn't enough for you. i bet you're thinking you wish you did now.

Monday, April 11, 2011

kill me now.

your the guy i want to be with, this is the old you, this is what i've wanted for so long but I'm sorry, you left it too late. i know i'll regret what I'm saying because in fact, i already do. no one deserves to be that upset over someone even after all the shit that's happened. I'm so sorry for how i've talked to you and all the nasty things that have been thrown back and fourth between us. i wanted this for so long. i remember the first time you lied to me, the first time! that was over a year ago and our relationship went down the drain. you promised me it would never happen again and i believed you but secretly i was giving the girl shit, she told me it was all you and i didn't believe it at the start. but then you cheated and i became the biggest bitch. i've never wanted to be angry at another girl over my guy. i never thought i'd become so temperamental and jealous but because i loved you so damn much, i wanted you all to myself, i didn't wanna sit around and watch you make someone else happy. it sucked but I'm sorry it happened. i blame myself, being mad at you and upsetting you all the time but maybe, in time we can try again when we start to rebuild the trust which is lost because right now, my trust is never to be found for you again.

someone help me through this pain.

so i dont want this to be a repeat of the first time this happened. when i ended it with you once before because of another girl, you blamed me and went off with her and that cut me so deep, i tried to forget about it and i was okay cos i thought i knew what was going on. then i ended it with him because of you, you came back into my life, bad timing. i hadn't gotten over you like you had with me. this isn't okay. i found out everything and you never gave me the time to get over it on my own. you were always there, always. i told you i needed space but i didn't get any. i kinda like someone else even though nothing has happened yet. you keep asking me out and each time i've said no. i never wanted this to happen. i never thought in a million years that this is what you would turn into. i'm not happy. i haven't been for a very long time with you and i just can't take it anymore. you never understood how i felt, you would never know what it's like to be in my position, in this situation, i have never felt more let down by anyone in my whole life. i'm sorry but i think i'm out. fuck!

Thursday, April 7, 2011


you still control me and I'm sick of it, I'm no longer 12 any more, I'm 17. it's always your rules because I live under your roof. if I could have the choice, then I wouldn't live there any more. the reason I sit upstairs and don't say a word to any of you is for this exact reason, YOU PICK FIGHTS! fucking chill the fuck out. I don't have an attitude. YOU DO! you can't fucking handle shit. just because I say something that sounds offensive doesn't mean I really meant it like that. get over yourself. you say I'm not cool.. like your opinion really matters to me? your time is up. you chose to have me so you put up with my attitude because you raised me didn't you.. so isn't the way I act, your fault? duuuuh.


this is weird, in all my life i never thought i would, smoke, do drugs, quit gymnastics, have a boyfriend, have people there for me and put up with me, finish school or anything like that. everything's happened so fast and i don't know what to do with myself? i have no plans, i have no money, i have nothing right now apart from my parents hand outs.


i have a bad attitude towards many things and people constantly think im unhappy or a bitch or have my "period" which im sick of. i want to be happy but it's hard when people bring me down.

samara wright

we knew each other but never 'knew' one an other, until a few months ago. We became real close quite fast, we've gone through a lot together already, you help me, i help you. When one of us cries, we'll be there for each other. Like you said.. "Where have you been all my life?!" :P you're such an amazing friend and all the shit you've been through, you finally deserve to be happy with someone who is going to want you and like you for you. And i think you found him :) great things come in small packages. you have the biggest heart, your a genuine good bitch, you speak your mind and even when you do to me, i don't mind because it's you. you're beautiful Mara, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you munchkin. your wonderful.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

didn't know love was like this?


do you live to hurt me?


you piss me off! you're so immature. go have a fucking cry! you try look cool in front of your mates by dissing me and talking shit about me then come to me later and expect me to say sorry for how i acted. think about what you do. you're not fucking cool. your a fucking joke half the time. AHHHH! fucking make me scream! :/ i feel bad in the end but sometimes i shouldn't. you're a really good liar.

Monday, April 4, 2011


I'm so sick of having to lie to my family about you. this would have been so much easier if you didn't fuck me over. or at least.. not text me in the holidays.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

let me go.

we have fights at home probably every week, it's just a normal thing now, you tell me to leave the house, it's always "my house, my rules" and I'm fucking sick of it. i don't tell you anything because you go psycho at me and then just tell me to get over it but what the fuck? just because I'm not like you in these situations doesn't mean you can treat me like that. i don't tell you anything because you scare me. half my friends have told me that you scare them too. you hit me, well tried to. you told dad that it was either me or you so you made him choose, luckily i said sorry otherwise I'd probably gone. i love coming home to an empty house. i love being home alone. i go upstairs straight after school so i don't have to talk to you and you wont have any reason to be mad at me. you used to bug me about getting a job and calling me lazy all the time. i got a job and you still tell me i do shit all. i try stay out of the house as much as i can. I'm sorry mother but you are a bitch. ahhh!

I gave in.

you got over me so fast, it was almost instant. i found someone, you found someome. but you found her even while you were with me. it was always going to happen no matter what i did. you try and blame me, you say, "you ended it, you chose him" but the thing is, i tried to choose you but gave me so many reasons not to and the first reason was her. i ended it because of her. so time went on, (a week) you asked her out, i cried but that was okay. you text me and that's where it started. you kept texting. i saw you on the beach, you told me to come see you, i said no but you kept bugging me so i did. we talked for a while. That's when things went bad between me and my guy. i realised my feelings for you came rushing back, the memories, everything just took over my mind. after i saw you, you text me saying you think your feelings came back too. a couple days later, you asked me to hang because your thing (gf) went away. you were my first love, how could i say no? so, i saw you and we got with each other. i thought things were falling back into place but i knew nothing. i thought i knew it all. you have a way with words, to wrap me around your finger. you had me fall in love with you again. i asked if i was getting used but you told me i wasn't. so me being stupid, i believed you. time went on, you broke up with her for me but what i didn't know was that you were still seeing her, for a long time after. that hurt. in all this time, she wasn't the only girl you got with or liked. you still deny to this day. i never thought someone like you would turn into someone like this. when we first met, you were the only person i trusted, i had such high hopes for us, i don't know what happened. i blame myself even though i shouldn't. i'm a bitch to people because of this. i lie to people clostest to me about you because i don't want to be judged. i bitch about you to everyone so they wont say "i told you so". i hear things about you but i still can't get over you. no matter what, i'm still hooked. why can't i get over you? a month ago you told me you hadn't been in love with me for a while but you still loved me, all this time, i've been in love with you, even through the rough patches. i cry but what for? you sit there and watch, is there any real love left? i'm stuck. i love you liar.

sometimes change hurts.

do you even know what you've done to me? do you even realise the pain you've caused in my life. it's like torcher. you don't even understand. you think you've got me wrapped around your little finger, anything you say, i'll come straight back. but no, not this time.who fucked up? YOU FUCKED UP! i cry and cry and when i think of you, i think of her and to be honest, i dont ever wanna see her face again. the one thing i thought would never happen, happened. i had chance after to chance too but i said no but i guess your dick did all the talking aye? used and abused more than once. i've got my guard up big time. i still hear things, ask you, you get defensive, does that mean i should move on? hmm i guess i'm stuck. it's like i can't get away. i want to but i'm scared. the pain is so bad.