glad to see you happy.

i admit, i miss you each day. i don't know how you find it so easy. you used to be so sweet. i know you hurt me more than ever but i still miss you. i hope you realise how good i was for you. you moved on so fast. i'm so stupid, i should have let go a long long time ago. i would've saved myself the pain and all the anger. the friends i've lost we're never true. the ones i've gained are my only true friends. i hope you notice how much i am better off without you. i guess you're the guy i can just always go back to because of how much i loved you. i think you used to love me but no longer do, and that hurts. i don't really know how to deal with things because you were always there and now, all of a sudden, out of the blue, you're just, gone. moving on has never been so hard. never hurt the ones you love i'll live by that. i wish you loved me. we were so messed up.

i need answers.

you were the one that was meant to stay. you were meant to be mine. we were meant to be together like you said. maybe you should make the effort to talk to me instead of blaming me. i get all choked up and nervous around you and would say something stupid. it's never me and you alone and when it is it's so good. i can't stop smiling but i guess we'll never get that time anymore? just tell me to move on, please. i don't wanna wait for something that may not happen.

am i doing something wrong?

every fucking time. just as i get to be so happy, it all falls apart. it's like after you, i'm not meant to be happy. karma i guess. you always get what you want. just one time, just one, that's all i'm asking for. to let me be happy. you're holding something back, i don't know what it is. no one will tell me. so help me through this if you wanna be with me like you said you did because i feel completely stupid waiting around right now.

quit. yes? no?

i feel horrible. i haven't felt like this in a while and you just keep bringing it back. it's like you don't know what you want. i can't handle this. being ignored. having problems and you wont even talk to me about them. i feel used, unwanted and once again, not good enough. i love how you can make me feel this so easily. hope you feel good about yourself.

fuck this.

i'm so lost. you're back to this with me and i don't know why :( you aren't talking to me and don't wanna see me. i heard because it's awkward but why? how? you never talk to me anyway. wtf happened. nothing ever works out for me now. better start getting used to it.

i haven't been this happy in so long! you make me smile even by the littlest of things. if you look at me, i'll smile. if you send me a pointless text, i'll smile. when i see you, even for the shortest moment, i'll smile. you kissed me today, i'm still smiling. i've missed this feeling so much. i don't want it to go away. so please don't leave. you're starting to leave a mark.

happiness at last.

last night you made me so happy. you told me you want to be with me. my face lit up, my smile wouldn't go away. it felt like i was dreaming. thank you!

i like you more than i planned.

you don't realise how much i've really been through, you can't treat me like this. i have to know. things like this is the reason i have trust issues. you've seen me cry because of someone else, you said sorry for me, why couldn't you tell me this. i mean even if we aren't together it's still a huge deal :/ you made me cry. you must mean something to me. Even the slightest bit ♥

completely lost.

so i have to find out another thing through other people. i get that you "don't wanna loose me" or "don't wanna hurt me" but honestly i have been through all of that before and i would rather be hurt by the truth than happy in a lie. i thought you would have known. you're moving. what the fuck am i supposed to do now. you go and have to make me all happy and then i get told you have to leave. was your plan from the start. thanks a bunch.

all i wanted.

i probably had one of the best nights i've had in a long time! the hugs and kisses. your eyes, your smile made me melt. you looked at me, you told me i have beautiful eyes. you kissed me constantly and told me you really liked kissing me. you would grab my hand and put my fingers between yours and your other arm around me. those hugs are so nice. these feelings are mutual. i can't get enough. :)

....

what hurts the most; finding out that you're fighting guys for another girl. i remember when you did that for me. i felt so safe and happy because you were so caught up on keeping me to yourself. whenever i did it for you, you hated me. i don't understand. why are you doing this? i can already tell you love her now. thanks for nothing.

who are you.

each weekend you seem to text me saying "chels". every time i reply i say "fuck you" or anything along those lines and you say sorry then you'll text me again later. occasionally i text you back wondering what's up and why you have to text me. you ask me questions. you talked to me in class for the whole lesson last week, you said you hadn't talked to me in a while and kinda wondered what i'd been upto. you said goodbye and gave me a heart filled smile. it brought back memories, it made me smile but my heart knows i can't go there any more. it really upsets me to see you walk away and to be so satisfied with yourself. i don't know you any more. a week or two before that you told me how you felt and what you thought each time i walked past. it was so sweet, i really missed that but who knows, you could have been lying? you knew i missed you and still had something there for you. i don't know who you are. i really wish you'd spend time on your own to figure it out. cos i'd really like to know.

i shouldn't care.

hearing your name makes me cringe, hearing your voice makes me want to scream. i saw pictures of you with her, what i felt was hopefully nothing? my stomach dropped as i was coming across those pictures but the funny thing was that you both didn't look happy, you looked awkward and uncomfortable. i guess it was because you were with other people. i don't know what to think. i'm so happy i'm moving on because now i don't have to worry. what i expect, ends up happening because you're so predictable it's horrible. you and her, perfect couple because you're both fucked in the head. i don't even understand. you're so fucked up. hurry up and leave tauranga already. that will be the happiest day of my life.

now look what you've lost.

i'd rather be hurt by the truth than happy with a lie. good one.

what's going on..

i wanna tell you something right now but you're not around, i don't know the truth about what happened with you and him but still it doesn't seem to bother me because I'm not with him now. i don't trust you but i miss you. i wanna bitch to you, i wanna have crazy conversations with you again. you were my best friend. we've lied to each other and hurt each other but friends obviously do that. no ones perfect, i know for sure I'm not. we'll see.