LIAR!

so, you rung me last night, crying, telling me that you love me and miss me so much and wanted me to come see you. i was shocked to hear you say that but i didn't say anything back. but then i hear you rung up her and told her you love her. seriously, you need to go die in a hole. or at least leave the country.. forever! that really hurts. after everything, you love her? in all honesty, you have some serious problems.

tired of trying.

so, i like you, obviously. and i've been told you like me too. yet, there's no texts, no talking, no looking to or at each other. what am i to do? i text you most days. my friends talk to you, i try talk to you at parties cos i'm shy otherwise but now, i get nothing. people say it's because of my ex but he's not with me anymore. i thought that would help but i guess not. i don't know what i've done but i do like you. and i kinda, sorta, really, maybe,  i dunno, miss you?

fooled.

you were sneaky, conniving and so much more, but worse. you made me believe anything you wanted me to believe. you said all the right words and did all the right things. but at the same time, it was all a lie. a joke to you, as long as you got some you were sweet. to tell you the truth, i think you and her are meant for each other, no matter how much you told me you think we are. you two have gone through just about as much as me and you have. the only thing wrong is that she didn't take your virginity, i did. i wish i didn't, well sometimes anyway. but in a way I'm glad i did. you still haven't felt the pain i have. me and her both have. you're still playing us both but i know for a fact that i am not giving in. there is someone out there that is better for me and will treat me how i deserved to be treated. he may not be around the corner but for now i am okay being alone unlike you who has to have someone on the line to be able to make yourself feel better and make yourself think that you did nothing wrong. i am faithful, i am loyal, i am trustworthy, when you treat me like a princess, like you once did. i don't know who you are anymore. you changed and i don't want to know. when you grow up and move on, i hope you will realise what a good thing we had going and wish you never did anything wrong even though you say you regret it but i can clearly see you don't. i didn't think anyone could be this bad. you're a fucking loser. i hope you die alone you worthless black.

3.1.1997 - 9.5.2011

I miss you so much. I wait for you to appear through the window, I wait for you to run to the door when I get home. I miss hearing you run around the house while I'm trying to go to bed, I miss your cute little voice when you want something. 14 years ago, I never thought this would have ever happened, especially to you. You were the one thing that was meant to live forever :( I never knew this out of all things would have happened to you. Out of every possible thing, it was so hard to watch you in pain and out of control, so hard to see you walk around not knowing what's going on, not having a clue of where you are or what you're doing. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life. It wasn't supposed to end for you like this. But you're in a better place now, without any pain. You are beautiful Tildy, I'm sure Grandy will be looking after you now. It's his turn. We'll be up there soon enough. I love you Matilda. Kitty Cat :) xoxoxoxox

all alone in this world.

so i'm hated at my school, it's year 13, everyone is supposed to have the time of their lives. so i sit their on the sideline watching everyone have all the fun in the world, making all the memories. i've tried to change so people would like me but i can't keep it up when someone goes wrong in my life. i sit on the side and watch the guy i still happen to love, be involved with a younger girl, be involved with all the people i once called my friends too. i did not want to turn out like this. i realise i am a bitch, i realise i am hated by many people. most of the time i would rather sit in a corner by myself, with only my thoughts because i know no one will abuse me, diss me or cuss me out. but there's nothing i can do about that, i can't control other people. i am one person, i'm not the hottest girl, i'm not the nicest girl or the smartest girl around but i am me. so, if you don't like it, then go sit on a bent one because i am done trying pleasing everyone else in my life other than me.

fuck you.

Whenever you turned on your phone it would say "dont you dare lose her!" whenever you came over you'd leave cute little notes on my laptop and texts on my phone straight after you saw me. i can't believe what happened, you told me you would never physically abuse me, now look at yourself. you kicked me into a wall? that makes me sick, i did nothing to deserve that. i'm glad i'm moving on but at the same time, i'm not because i know i will never get those hugs i want everyday or those kisses i pheen for and love to bits, ever again. someone else will make you happy and you'll be their world and they'll be yours. you'll fall in love again but to be perfectly honest. i don't think i could ever love someone else like this again. i'm sorry it had to be like this. i'm sorry you didn't have to guts to tell me the truth. i'm sorry for our relationship falling to pieces even when i couldn't see it. i love you. i hope you're thinking of me when i think of you.

gene shame hernia.

I AM SPEECHLESS!