completely lost.

so i have to find out another thing through other people. i get that you "don't wanna loose me" or "don't wanna hurt me" but honestly i have been through all of that before and i would rather be hurt by the truth than happy in a lie. i thought you would have known. you're moving. what the fuck am i supposed to do now. you go and have to make me all happy and then i get told you have to leave. was your plan from the start. thanks a bunch.

all i wanted.

i probably had one of the best nights i've had in a long time! the hugs and kisses. your eyes, your smile made me melt. you looked at me, you told me i have beautiful eyes. you kissed me constantly and told me you really liked kissing me. you would grab my hand and put my fingers between yours and your other arm around me. those hugs are so nice. these feelings are mutual. i can't get enough. :)

....

what hurts the most; finding out that you're fighting guys for another girl. i remember when you did that for me. i felt so safe and happy because you were so caught up on keeping me to yourself. whenever i did it for you, you hated me. i don't understand. why are you doing this? i can already tell you love her now. thanks for nothing.

who are you.

each weekend you seem to text me saying "chels". every time i reply i say "fuck you" or anything along those lines and you say sorry then you'll text me again later. occasionally i text you back wondering what's up and why you have to text me. you ask me questions. you talked to me in class for the whole lesson last week, you said you hadn't talked to me in a while and kinda wondered what i'd been upto. you said goodbye and gave me a heart filled smile. it brought back memories, it made me smile but my heart knows i can't go there any more. it really upsets me to see you walk away and to be so satisfied with yourself. i don't know you any more. a week or two before that you told me how you felt and what you thought each time i walked past. it was so sweet, i really missed that but who knows, you could have been lying? you knew i missed you and still had something there for you. i don't know who you are. i really wish you'd spend time on your own to figure it out. cos i'd really like to know.

i shouldn't care.

hearing your name makes me cringe, hearing your voice makes me want to scream. i saw pictures of you with her, what i felt was hopefully nothing? my stomach dropped as i was coming across those pictures but the funny thing was that you both didn't look happy, you looked awkward and uncomfortable. i guess it was because you were with other people. i don't know what to think. i'm so happy i'm moving on because now i don't have to worry. what i expect, ends up happening because you're so predictable it's horrible. you and her, perfect couple because you're both fucked in the head. i don't even understand. you're so fucked up. hurry up and leave tauranga already. that will be the happiest day of my life.

now look what you've lost.

i'd rather be hurt by the truth than happy with a lie. good one.

what's going on..

i wanna tell you something right now but you're not around, i don't know the truth about what happened with you and him but still it doesn't seem to bother me because I'm not with him now. i don't trust you but i miss you. i wanna bitch to you, i wanna have crazy conversations with you again. you were my best friend. we've lied to each other and hurt each other but friends obviously do that. no ones perfect, i know for sure I'm not. we'll see.